The Things I Remember

Hell, I knew it was stupid, I knew the moment I picked up the phone, and Sara asked if I wanted to go swimming. I said yes, put it on the calendar.

Mom says if it’s not on the calendar it doesn’t exist. 

I shouldn’t have made it exist with that stupid purple marker that hangs on an old piece of twine by the paper desk calendar.

I went to work, forgot my bike there. It rained really fucking hard a few nights ago, I heard it on the window, I bet my bike seat, leather, is fucked.

I got on my bathing suit, green, really pretty, Took a long time for me to find one I like. Its in the garbage now, mixed with needles and used bandages back at the other hospital.

I jumped onto the beach ball.

Stupid, god, so stupid. 

It was the start of summer, breaths of spring, still cold.

I still swam.

Pop

Float

Fade.

Lights.

Sister.

Car.

No pain, scarier.

Painkillers?

You haven't had any?

Head shake

Wet muppet fur, morphine in my veins.

Father Tollefson, sweet smelling oil.

Less pain

Rain on the window.

Mom.